Must I Give Guests My Own Bedroom?

Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin on May 2, 2024

DEAR MISS MANNERS: What is the proper etiquette regarding bedroom assignments for guests?

A friend of mine told me that it is good manners to offer the main suite to guests, especially married and/or elderly couples. I was never advised of such a rule when I was growing up, and I wonder if I have been impolite over the years.

My adult daughter, her boyfriend and his parents -- who live out of state, and whom I have not yet met -- will soon visit me. They will drive several hours for us all to have dinner together, and then stay at my home for one night.

I have a TV room with a queen-sized foldout sofa bed (which I enhance with extra foam, but I expect provides less than ideal comfort), plus my daughter's old bedroom, which has a very comfy double bed. My plan is to offer the parents their choice of the sofa bed or the double bed.

But should I be offering my own bedroom suite to them? This, of course, would necessitate that I predetermine and pack up whatever clothes and toiletries I will need while they are visiting, as all of my personal belongings are in there. I would, of course, do this, if that is indeed the correct and polite way to treat guests.

GENTLE READER: Even Miss Manners, a consummately gracious hostess, does not offer her own bedroom to guests. It is not required, nor should it be expected.

That you are giving these strangers lodging is already gracious. Your comfort need not be sacrificed -- nor theirs diminished for having inconvenienced you.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am socially engaged in my community through volunteering. I tend to be an outgoing, cheerful person who gets frequent invitations to many wonderful social events.

Although I live on a modest income, I often socialize with a number of very successful people. Frequently, these acquaintances will discuss their overseas travels, cruises and other vacations that are far beyond my budget. I am happy for these people, and I enjoy listening to the stories they bring back from their excursions.

On at least three occasions, I have been invited to accompany a group on some extended getaway. When I reply that I can't go, that usually puts an end to the matter. But once, I was stunned when someone demanded to know why I couldn't go.

I was too embarrassed to reply that I couldn't afford the trip, so I mumbled something about family obligations and then excused myself. What would you have done?

GENTLE READER: Been less charmed by people who keep recounting expensive vacations in general company -- while still being, as you were, too polite to express any such displeasure. But Miss Manners would not feel she owed an excuse for declining.

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(Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, dearmissmanners@gmail.com; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.)